Learn the Nine Essential Ingredients of a True Apology

I had a hard time with this one, folks.

I’ve always fancied myself an expert apologizer. I have LOTS of opinions on how and when we should apologize and I’ve been working on creating my own apology framework for couples. 

As I was researching apologies, I discovered the nine essential ingredients of a true apology by apology expert, Dr. Harriet Lerner (@HarrietLerner). Harriet is a trained clinical psychologist who’s written several New York Times bestselling books, her most recent one being Why Won’t You Apologize?

Her framework has given me a lot to think about. Some of her ingredients overlap with my own (which makes me feel super smart), and others raise a lot of questions for me which almost made me scrap this post altogether and write about something else – something easier. 

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You’re So Vain, You Probably Think This Post Is About You…

Happiness experts say that we can’t make anyone else happy (like our partners), but we can make ourselves happy. Our moods are contagious, so by making ourselves happy, our partner’s will (as a side effect) become happier. This is definitely true in my relationship. When I’m happy, my husband’s happy, but when I’m miserable, he’s miserable too. Maybe that’s where happy wife, happy life comes from.

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The Friendship Project: How to Combat Loneliness While Social Distancing

Image created by Cristina Estanislao

It turns out that you don’t need to live alone to feel lonely. I managed to get into an impressively bad mood after only two weeks of self-isolation. I felt so lonely, which seemed ridiculous since I live in a house full of people (and pets). I was normally a happy and energetic person, so I got fed up with being miserable pretty quickly. I decided to pull myself out of my funk, even if it meant I had to go kicking and screaming. Luckily, it didn’t come to that.

I came up with a strategy that has worked incredibly well so far, so I thought I’d share it with you. I call it The Friendship Project. It’s designed specifically for pandemics but can be used long afterwards when things (hopefully) return to normal. 

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