Learn the Nine Essential Ingredients of a True Apology

I had a hard time with this one, folks.

I’ve always fancied myself an expert apologizer. I have LOTS of opinions on how and when we should apologize and I’ve been working on creating my own apology framework for couples. 

As I was researching apologies, I discovered the nine essential ingredients of a true apology by apology expert, Dr. Harriet Lerner (@HarrietLerner). Harriet is a trained clinical psychologist who’s written several New York Times bestselling books, her most recent one being Why Won’t You Apologize?

Her framework has given me a lot to think about. Some of her ingredients overlap with my own (which makes me feel super smart), and others raise a lot of questions for me which almost made me scrap this post altogether and write about something else – something easier. 

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Why I Stopped Putting Away My Husband’s Clean Laundry and How It Improved Our Relationship

I’m the primary laundry doer in my house. I wash, fold, and put away. It’s a time consuming and never ending chore. It’s not like cleaning the gutters, which is done once per year. It’s every week (or 2 weeks, if we let it pile up).

After a while, I began resenting the fact that my husband never said “thank you” or even seemed to notice that his underwear drawer was replenished on the exact day he would have otherwise run out. 

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You’re So Vain, You Probably Think This Post Is About You…

Happiness experts say that we can’t make anyone else happy (like our partners), but we can make ourselves happy. Our moods are contagious, so by making ourselves happy, our partner’s will (as a side effect) become happier. This is definitely true in my relationship. When I’m happy, my husband’s happy, but when I’m miserable, he’s miserable too. Maybe that’s where happy wife, happy life comes from.

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What I Learned From a Former FBI Hostage Negotiator About Relationships

I want to share something I learned this week that I’m super excited to try. 

I was watching a masterclass* called Chris Voss Teaches The Art of Negotiation (Chris Voss @VossNegotiation is a former FBI lead hostage negotiator and bestselling author of Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It). In it, he teaches the concept of “labeling”. He talks about labels in the context of negotiations (during hostage negotiations and business negotiations), but I think it’s a brilliant tool that can be used on our significant others!

So today, I’m going to teach you what I learned from Chris Voss’s masterclass about labels: what they are, how they work, and the right and wrong way to label emotions. 

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Feeling grumpy? Maybe you need a timeout.

I felt grumpy earlier this week and couldn’t figure out why. It could have been any number of things, or maybe just a combination of a bunch of little things. Who knows. 

I may have taken my grumpiness out on my husband, Steve, while we were making dinner. Ok, I definitely took my grumpiness out on him. He patiently tolerated slash ignored it. 

After we’d finished eating, we decided to take the dog for a long walk. We cherished our long walks together. It was our time to connect at the end of the workday. I have, on more than one occasion, spoiled these walks by forgetting to leave my grumpiness at home. Inevitably, my bad mood would spread to Steve, spoil our walk, and sour the evening. It was dumb. 

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Two simple things you can say to express appreciation (at work and at home)

A lot of the advice that helps us do well at work can equally be applied at home, and vice versa. Good advice is good advice, after all. Here’s one such piece of advice: express your sincere appreciation to those around you. Whether you’re a partner at a law firm working with a junior lawyer or the spouse of a workaholic, there are two simple things you can say that will work wonders.

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Understanding the Economic Utility of a $20 Bouquet of Flowers Could Drastically Improve Your Relationship

Photo by Avrielle Suleiman on Unsplash

I’m going to tell you a story about flowers. But flowers are a euphemism for any small gift that shows your partner that you were thinking of them when they weren’t around. While I’m going to give a heteronormative example (a boyfriend gifting flowers to his girlfriend), this type of token gift-giving is not reserved only for them. It can be applied to all types of romantic relationships. The type of gift may vary, but the principle is the same: doing something to make your partner feel special is a good idea. Here we go…

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Life After Hirebacks Part 3: How to Spend Your Summer, and Starting Your Job Hunt in the Fall

Photo by Raphaël Biscaldi on Unsplash

Welcome to the third instalment in my series on Life After Hirebacks, designed specifically for articling students. If you missed the earlier posts, you can find them here: 

Life After Hirebacks Part 1: What to do if You Weren’t Hired Back

Life After Hirebacks Part 2: Writing Your Own Reference Letters

Today, I’ll be answering some of the questions I’m most frequently asked by students who weren’t hired back – questions like Should I be applying to smaller firms? and How long did it take you to find a job? I’ll answer these, and more, in the hopes of helping you decide what to do next.

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