What makes a decision good or bad is how it helps us progress towards our goals. If we’re not clear about our goals, it’s easy to make a bunch of bad decisions. Eating a plate full of cakes, cookies, and donuts might seem like a bad decision, but if your objective is to indulge on a cheat day from your diet, then it’s a good decision.
The purpose of this post is to introduce the concept of friction.
Friction is not a fight, but it could turn into one. Friction is the little moments that aren’t really anything, but that can slowly grind on you. It’s relationship plaque; a little bit is easily scraped off but it can build and harden over time.
Short answer: Yup, it’s totally my fault.
Here’s what I used to do. As soon as a thought occurred to me that I wanted to share with my husband, Steve, whether it was an item that needed to be added to the grocery list, a request for help with a chore, or just a fun story, I’d launch right into it, no matter what he was doing. Steve would inevitably forget to add the item to the grocery list, fail to jump to my aid with the chore, and act like he’d never heard my fun story.
When I complained that he never listened to me, Steve’s response was always “ I don’t remember you asking me to do that” or “I didn’t hear you” or “Are you sure you told me about that?”
It felt like he was ignoring me on purpose. Was I invisible? What was wrong with him?!
There once was a girl named Nelly,
Who loved cakes, cookies, and jelly
Always cold, she did feel,
Her discomfort was real,
She preferred the weather in New Delhi.
Her husband was a young lad named Steve,
Nelly’s shivers, he did not believe,
He always felt hot,
So they fought a lot,
“Stop turning the heat up, or I’ll leave!”
Holding your partner’s hand during a fight is the simplest and most powerful fighting hack that I’ve discovered. It might just change the way you and your partner argue, forever. Here’s how it’s done: reach for your partner’s hand when things are getting heated in the middle of an argument. Hold it as the fight continues. Change nothing else. This may sound bizarre, but the impact of this small gesture is nothing short of magical.
‘Tis the season of stress and we’re all feeling it.
We’re often told that in order to reduce stress, we need to consume less alcohol, eat healthier foods, sleep at least 8 hours per night, and exercise regularly. While these are excellent ideas, they’re difficult habits to form in the best of times – attempting them now is almost guaranteed to fail, which will only add guilt and shame to your stress cocktail.
For this reason, I’m going to share some instant gratification stress reducing techniques you can use to reduce your stress right away (within 24 hours).
I usually write about relationship challenges my husband (Steve) and I have resolved or figured out. But today, I’ve decided to write about something we’re currently struggling with: should we or shouldn’t we have kids?
While Steve and I haven’t yet made any definitive decisions, I’ll share the honest details of the debate we’re having in the hopes that: (i) it helps others having a similar (private) discussion, and (ii) it encourages couples who’ve been where we are to share their wisdom with us.
My criteria for choosing a partner was simple. I asked myself the following question:
Is being with this person more fun than being on my own (knowing that I had a LOT of fun on my own)? Yes or No?
What’s the cost of letting the call go to voicemail? Of ignoring the PING or vibration of your phone? Of putting your device on ‘Do Not Disturb’?
Welcome to Part 2 of Managing Money as a Couple.
Most people shy away from talking about money. It’s no wonder that money is one of the things couples fight about most. How are we supposed to learn about money management if no one talks about it?
Whether you’re just starting to think about merging your finances with your partner, or you’ve been doing it for years, you’ll find some helpful ideas in this post.